Counting my lucky stars

This is one of those nights where I feel particularly emotional.

For no real reasons. Not that I could think of, anyway.

Except perhaps, it's that time of the month where hormones gleefully wreck havoc on my psyche. Or it could be the rose wine that my friend brought me as a gift when she passed by the duty-free shop on her way back to Singapore from Shanghai for a visit during the Lunar New Year.

But perhaps, that's putting it too simply.

Deep down, I know it's probably a cumulation of everything that's going on in my life recently.

Anyway, back to counting my lucky stars:


I am grateful for my destiny
I am grateful to be born into this family. Though there had and have been turbulence aplenty, but still, it's a normal family with its typical ups and downs (even though certain 'downs' had been pretty bad and lasted a long time). And at this age, I have gone through enough and am old and 'wise' enough to realise that I am extremely blessed, regardless of whether I compare myself to many others who went through worse. Though our family life is not as charmed as some friends', but it is good enough by the time I have arrived at this stage. And as for how good life for my family is going to be in the future, I know that's entirely up to me. Depending on how one sees it, it either puts the pressure on me, or it puts power in my hands. I choose to see it as the latter. It's empowering.


I am grateful to be my mum's daughter
Through her, I realise that a person's achievements in life needs not necessarily be measured by career success, material gains or the figure in the bank. In fact, some captains of industries might have less to be proud of than they thought. My mum doesn't really understand English, she was only educated up to Primary Six level in Malaysia, and that was back in those 1950/60s days. She is also not as savvy about the written and unwritten rules of socially/politically-correct conduct as I would like her to be when it comes to communications with others or public behaviour (though she is indeed trying and learning, as I am always on her case with a good deal of seemingly disrespectful chastising and eye-rolling, for her good...keke).

But she is strong like a rock. She keeps the family together. She probably have gone through more than I ever will in my entire lifetime. Yet she remained positive and strong throughout every tough period in the past, where some lasted for years with no end in sight, where she seemed to be the only one keeping everything together while things just kept falling apart. Instead of being jaded, cynical and beaten by life's trials, today, she is as keen as ever to offer a listening ear and advice to anyone in a spot of trouble, empathizing with them and encouraging them to face their issues bravely and look forward to better times. Those 'anyone in a spot of trouble' includes me too. I had been her strongest pillar of support during one of those tough periods which we went through as a family in earlier days (which I later realised through a newspaper article that I could sue her for a category of child abuse hahaha), but she is the one who continually gives me the vote of confidence and unconditional love and support in every way as I negotiate through life. I love her to bits because she fully deserves my love, and she loves me to bits too (it shows in a variety of big and little ways), probably because I fully deserve her love too hahaha.

Her zest for life has grown with age too. She has been going to English and Internet classes for a while now (though she has little result to show for it, keke), and she has been taking singing lessons for many years too (this she's quite good in). Not the karaoke, Teresa Teng type, but the soprano-ish type, almost like those of English opera. Some had passed remarks that she's wasting her time and money since it's not like she's going to get a job where she really needs to be fluent in English or be well-versed in Internet skills. And since she doesn't even like performing on stage, there's no point in her being so serious in her quest to sing well. But she just brushes it off. Because what matters to her is that she knows it makes her feel good to pursue interests that promote self-improvements and, most important of all, make her happy.

This trait of her has rubbed off on me too...the self-reminder to be confident and determined to not be easily affected nor ruled by what others think, simply because you know what you are doing and why you are doing that. Even if it won't yield significant or the 'right' results in the short-term - or ever, according to others. I am not only referring to her interest classes, but also to the way she dealt with certain tough issues in the past. She was faced with the pressure of much condemnation and a lot of those 'see, see, told her it wouldn't work' comments from an assortment of important and non-important characters back then, when the situation didn't improve or even worsen for a while. But she held on, because she knew what she was doing...even if others didn't see things her way. Though the line that separates confidence and foolhardiness/sturbborness is a thin and indistinct one, her decisions then were never about being foolhardy nor stubborn. She is always someone who will sincerely consider all opinion and feedback, and will think long and hard about each decision.

She is far from perfect, nor will she ever be anywhere near perfection. Just like me. But she loves me as I am, and I love love love her for who she is, and I am eternally grateful to the fact that I am so so so lucky enough to be her daughter.

Note: We scream and yell a great deal. But that's because we love each other too much, hahaha. The thing is, we recognise that's bad, and we both have been making a conscious effort to be more civilised and controlled in our mutual communications...hehehe.

I am grateful to have a nice number of really good friends
I may not be so marvellous at networking that I will bump into acquaintances at every turn or amass hundreds or thousands or ten of thousands of friends on Friendster or Facebook. But I am truly grateful that I have enough true friends to last me for a very long time, some perhaps forever. Friends, in the sense that we really understand and admire one another at a real personal level. Friends, where we know we can count on one another for quality company in good times (even when all we do is talk nonsense that isn't even funny), and emotional support in lousier ones.

A good number of these friends have been the balm to my frazzled soul in various ways in various stages of my life thus far.

Some have also been my most steadfast cheerleaders. In fact, I sometimes feel they have more faith in me than I do myself. It makes me seriously wonder if I have somehow misled them...hahaha.

Rosy as these friendships seem, misunderstandings and cold-wars etc will inadvertently rear their ugly heads every so often. But well, those are part of the package for all kinds of relationships, I guess. And when handled right, they draw us closer.

Anyway, as we 'age', most of us have learnt not to sweat the small stuff. Because we know they will lead to big blow-ups. Which will just lead to unnecessary 'heartache'. I think we have all become more grown-up now.

Oh shit. We are grown-ups.

I love my friends...hehehe ; )

*********************************************************

There are many more things in my life that I am grateful for...but now, sleep is beckoning.

Speaking of sleep, I will be grateful to enjoy a relatively dream-free rest tonight. My sleep had been interrupted by way too many stressful dreams lately...they included thriller, horror and action-packed sequences. If a dream-free state is too much to ask for, I would gladly settle for a more chick-flick kind of storyline too.

It would at least be better than waking up feeling all drained out from running around to solve mysteries, running away from ghosts or running on the top of covered walkways a la Jackie Chan.

Goodnight, and sweet dreams.

新年快乐！恭喜恭喜！

门迎平安福 户纳富贵春

May this brand new year bring new happiness for everyone!

Let's all look forward to a fresh start in life!

Cheers! ; )

Apologies

A series of freelance work had resulted in a series a cancelled/missed appointments with a number of dear friends over the past weeks.

For that, I am truly deeply sorry. Especially since a couple of friends had actually took leave and reshuffled their work schedule in order to keep those appointments.

And another was due to head back to Perth for the long term.

Believe me, I would much prefer a eat-drink-make-merry session to a marathon work session anytime. However, work is work. There is no two ways about it. Full-time or freelance, I have a responsibility to deliver what I am tasked to do.

If you happened to be one of those unfortunate victims whom I bailed out on at the last minute recently, please accept my sincere apologies.

I am truly happy and honoured that I have friends who are keen to meet up with me hahaha...and I honestly did not choose work over you. It's just that I really didn't have a choice on those occasions.

Still, I am sorry...please forgive me : )

Dreams

Dawn's To-Do List:

(1) Keep myself and my family in the pink of health via loads of healthy food/habits/naggings and regular full-body check-ups

(2) Take over the revenue-generation and finance departments of the household completely

(3) Give my flat an extreme facelift with drastic renovation works

(4) Take my parents on vacations to any country/place they like to visit

(5) Learn to be an even nicer me/daughter/grand-daughter/sister/niece/cousin/aunty/friend/neighbour/guardian of Winnie & Ron/whatever

(6) Learn to waltz, as well as to play classical piano and the guitar

(7) Learn to cultivate an obscenely obese bank account



So much to do...so little youth...

Death by chocolate

I have just gobbled up half of a 15.5cm x 9cm (200g) Van Houten - Whole Fruit & Nuts chocolate bar in one sitting.

And instead of getting on a sugar high, I am feeling miserable.

I can't seem to get this overwhelming taste of chocolate out of my mouth. And there's this sickening sensation somewhere between my throat and my chest.

My lactose-intolerant stomach is not really getting along very well with all those milk cream too.

I need to offset this post-chocolate trauma with a big bag of savoury chips.

Bug-Eyed Bling Bling

Went to the dentist today.

Was prescribed a dose of antibiotics and warned that allergy reactions might occur.

Got home, had dinner and took antibiotics.

Morphed into Bug-Eyed Bling Bling with multiple itchy-and-painful mozzie-bite-like swellings around both eyes.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

Hmmmmm...

According to the observations of myself and some of the people around me, I am looking radiant these days. Not 'extremely' so,
but just good enough to inspire comments from others.

This is in sharp contrast to the days when the same group
of people 'accused' me of looking like the living dead.

However, I've been falling sick quite often recently. Nothing really major...just bouts and bouts of flu and assorted blocked/runny/
non-stop-sneezing nose issues, but I noticed those bouts of flu
made me feel worse than how flu typically made me feel in the past.

Right now, I am in the midst of one such potent bout of flu,
and I've been experiencing a general sense of malaise the entire day.

I expected myself to look like death warmed over. Yet, my mum just told me that I looked kinda radiant. And the mirror confirmed it.

I wonder why...

Here today, gone tomorrow

I did not expect to start my first entry of 2008 on a sombre note.
Yet, the sudden demise of a local artiste set off a good load of serious thoughts about life and the unpredictability of it all.

MC King, a well-known comedian in Singapore, passed away early this afternoon (4 Jan) in the hospital after experiencing breathing difficulties at home in the morning.

It was not known if he had been suffering from any medical condition, but according to news reports, his co-workers and friends had always had the idea that he was perfectly healthy, though he had always been on the heavy side.

A day before his passing, a friend of mine had just bumped into him at a carpark. He was well and alive then, and yet, a day later, he's gone.

It's scary how fragile and unpredictable life is.

We all know the saying, "Live everyday as if it's your last, because one day, it will be". It's a very wise saying that's meant to urge us to appreciate each and every day because life is extremely unpredictable by nature...it's not meant to encourage us to live in constant paranoia that we are going to die in the next 24 hours. And as I progress in life and lived through more experiences, this saying is starting to etch deeper and deeper into my consciousness.

I guess to me, at this stage, the joy or regrets of living to a ripe old age or dying before my time has little to do with what I have managed to achieve for myself in this lifetime up until my expiry date, but more to do with what I have managed to do for my parents. Upon his demise, MC King left behind his mum. It's not hard to imagine the kind of emotional turmoil she must be going through now...and most likely for a long time to come. I hope he had done well to shower his mum with love and concern and had taken good care of her in every way all these time - so that he would be able to leave her with fond memories, and for himself, leave with less regrets.

For the rest of us, I guess it's time we take stock of our lives, count our blessings, and learn to be really, really, really appreciative and grateful that regardless of the sort of challenges we are up against now, we are at least alive and healthy. We have to recognise that as long as we are alive and healthy, we have no real problems at all.

************************************

I did not manage to accomplish any of my resolutions last year. However, that's not going to stop me from putting together a list of resolutions this year.

Some of my friends do not believe in making resolutions. But I value resolutions - the importance do not really lie in me sticking to them and actualising them. The importance lies in me taking stock of my life at the end of a year and evaluating the areas that need improving. Didn't some wise man say something along the line of "Knowing your enemies is half the battle won?" Most times, the toughest enemies are ourselves.

We can make resolutions any time of the year, of course. But I suppose the ending and starting points of a year will help to turbo-charge our drive for changes in ourselves.

After all, it's unrealistic to expect a better new year if we continue to live in the same old way, with the same-old self-defeating thoughts and actions.

************************************

Life's unpredictable...but while we still possess relatively good health and a heart that's still beating, let's resolve to make the best of it.

I hope I can at least stick to this particular resolution in 2008... ; )

Dawn is back

I finally had a haircut.

I was due to travel by coach to KL for a speed-trip (we went on Sunday morning and was due to return on Monday afternoon) with a friend, and I was determined that my caveman-ish hair should not get in the way (it's tough to lie back comfortably on a coach seat for
5 hours straight with a fat ponytail and a cap).

Thus, the night before the trip, I trooped down to Suntec City for some shearing action by a trusted hairstylist. And I literally felt a weight lifted off me the moment he unceremoniously lopped off a huge chunk of my hair.

I said 'unceremoniously' because seconds after we agreed on how short my new hairstyle should be, he abruptly grabbed my chest-length hair and chopped it all off to chin-lenth in one swift move, without warning, before proceeding to discard those hair into a dustbin. He's lucky I am not one of those girls who develop a love affair with their long hair and need to be mentally prepared and say a proper farewell before those prized hair are gone...or he would have a bawling nutcase in his salon.




The new hairstyle is choppy around the crown area and just long enough to be pulled back into a ultra-short ponytail at the back with the help of some bobby pins.


P.S. My friend took one look at my new hairstyle and exclaimed, "Dawn is back!" I used to sport short-cropped hair which was similar to that that for many years...sans the ponytail.
After experimenting with various forms of medium- to long-hair in the past 2 years, I guess I still feel most like myself in short, choppy styles. Like how my friend put it, "It's very Dawn".

Why

There were some bad news recently...bad news that sent our hearts plummeting down to the pits again after a short period of
near-normalcy.

I don't feel like going into the details (neither do I have the energy
to do so), but the basic situation is, we had been lulled by initial triumphs into thinking that my aunt's battle with cancer is going to be one easy-enough victory...we had forgotten how unpredictable and volatile the enemy could be.

Waking up to that fact after all those hopeful times is tough.

But we are still going to remain hopeful.

Sometimes, it feels like my brand of optimism in this situation is supported solely by hopes and hopes alone, and not by any facts or figures.

But what good will a gloomy face and heavy heart achieve?

Thus, hopeful we shall be...though it is not always going to be easy.

We will all try.

祝你生日快乐

致：一直莫名影响着我的你

很高兴知道你的事业正处于如日中天的阶段。

希望在接下来的日子里，你能继续在你生命中的各个环节得到你所要的一切。。。不过我想，以你那过人的智慧和待人接物的本领，那绝对不是问题。

无论如何，最重要的是，祝你一直快乐，一直健康！; )

三千烦恼丝

I am desperately in need of a haircut.

It's been way more than a year since my ass had warmed a salon seat, and I am starting to resemble a caveman.

Not that anyone can tell though, since I keep my hair tied up nearly 100% of the time...sometimes even when I sleep.

Even my mum was stunned to realise the real length of my hair when she was greeted by a long-haired me after I had just rose from bed one morning.

Anyway, I have decided to transform my hair into a choppy style that extends just slightly below the chin...short enough not to irritate the hell out of me whenever I shampoo my hair, yet long enough to offer flexible styling - or at least, to be tied up into a 'messy' ponytail with the assistance of some bobby pins.

Now, the task at hand is to figure out the exact style that I have in mind, gather up reference pictures and muster up enough courage to troop down to the salon.

Courage is required because, as all girls who had went through the trauma of a bad haircut at least once in their lives would know, sometimes, all it takes is a wrong snip here and an extra snip there, and your life is over before you know it.

Wish me luck.

Chalet

The Sixsome is all set to imbibe a serious amount of beer and ingest loads of sinful BBQ-ed food at Downtown East on 28 to 29 Dec.

Or rather, The Fivesome - since Dear Paul is skipping it
in the name of work.

Anyway, it's gonna be the slightly belated birthday celebration
for My Love.

The last time the same Fivesome congregated and bonded over bottles of red wine and cheese, a very interesting topic came up and we ended up having a really introspective call-out session on speakerphone with Dear Paul (who, as usual, wasn't with us).

I wonder if beer and BBQ-ed food would loosen us up
the same hilarious way...or if I should bring on the wine again.

Anyway, I believe this little "getaway" from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives would be good for all of us. Seeing that a holiday out of Singapore together is not possible, a full day and night of supermarketing (for the beer and food), lounging, BBQ-ing,
beer-gurgling and nonsensical bantering would have to do.

Since I've never been to the Downtown East chalet, I just hope
it will be nice, clean and spacious enough for us to roll around in
when we are nicely inebriated ; )

********************************************************

Speaking of being nicely inebriated, I think The Sixsome are progressively finding it harder and harder to reach that state.
Recent outings had shown that we were getting very proficient in venturing from Stage Zero straight to Stage ZZZ in a matter of
a few mild and absolutely harmless drinks.

Age is catching up with us.

Basking in happiness

There's quite a bit to be happy about recently.

My best friend a.k.a. 死贱货finally said "I Do" last Saturday, and I can tell the hubby loves her loads. After wandering from relationship to relationship through the years, she has now found someone she feels she's ready to welcome into her life permanently. At the risk of sounding maudlin, this marriage so warms my heart.

The next happy issue: My fave aunt is responding exceptionally well to her chemotherapy treatments. And she's feeling good and healthy enough to go about her daily life normally, and has even resumed her freelance hairdressing work at home. She has also put on 3kg ever since. This scenario is a far cry from a few months ago when she suddenly became so thin and frail and could barely ingest anything, not even liquid diet. We were so depressed and worried about her condition then and there were so many sleepless nights. Those days were marked by tears and fears. Thankfully, everything is looking up now.

As for myself, I just need to figure out just where exactly I want to take my career next and I will be really happy. For the last nearly 7 years, I was able to work through nights and immense stress just to do as best a job I can with each and every project simply because I knew my goals. I am not used to living without specific career goals. It scares me. However, it makes my mum and my aunts very happy to learn that I am seriously considering switching career haha. They don't care what I do next, as long as it doesn't require me to work my brain 24/7 and have late nights. I know I am lucky to have such supportive family...people who only want me to be well and healthy even at the risk of earning much less. Even though we have plenty of disagreements and even fierce arguments sometimes, I know that these are people who truly love me and care about me and, for that, I am feeling truly blessed.

***************************************************

My friends and I had been counting our respective lucky stars recently, and we realised that despite the many ups and downs in our lives, despite the occasional pool of shit that we fell into sometimes, we really do have a pretty nice life and plenty to be grateful about after all.

And one of those things to be grateful about is our friendship. Over the years, we had all went through different types of drama (of varying degree in intensity) in our individual lives. And we had helped to see one another through those episodes. Sometimes, it's just a matter of being there to listen, to offer support and encouragement to whoever's in 'trouble'. Other times, it involved more. I know people who have a wide network of friends but yet do not have anyone that they can count on to be there for them in trying times, or simply, a friend whom they can share their more private thoughts with.

Thus, we do know that we are really lucky to have one another - when we really need to sob our hearts out (which is hardly...cos none of us are crybabies and we all have pretty strong characters), we know where to find those supportive shoulders. And when we have reasons to jump for joy, we know there are people who will be really pleased for us.

***************************************************

I can't say I am 100% happy right now, for that are still stuff that I am worrying over, things that I need to get sorted out, issues that I wish do not exist and so on. But that's life. It can never be perfect. And that's probably what make us grow wiser and stronger too, as we make our best attempts to get over the obstacles. Life is more interesting that way, anyway.

I am gonna hit the bed and think happy thoughts now! Night! : )

Project Redemption: Progress Report

I've been making conscious efforts to shower and crawl into bed as early as possible.

It's got to a point where "Oh shit" will reverberate in my head if bed-time happens at 12am instead of my ideal of 10pm (though the earliest I've managed so far is 10.45pm).

Discipline aside, this is a marked improvement in mindset as I used to go to bed at any time between 3am - 7am, even if I was not bogged down by work, and did not find it an issue at all.

I've also been making conscious efforts to wake up early for a good breakfast.

By early, I mean 7 - 9am. And by good breakfast, I refer to the intensely healthy food that my mum serves up on a daily basis.

One of such is sandwiches with eggs-cum-melted-cheese spread, along with home-grown beansprouts and bean-sprout leaves, a generous splash of some mixed-bran granules and grounded black sesame, a whole chopped tomato, and a sprinkling of black pepper. The breakfast will usually be paired to a mug of Ensure (vanilla flavoured food supplement drink...it comes with loads of vitamins and minerals and such) and it will be concluded with a pear or apple.

Veggies and fish feature heavily in my lunch and dinner as well. And because I am trying hard to fatten up, I am now eating 2 - 4 full bowls of rice per meal. I know this might not be the healthiest way to put on weight but I can't think of any more effective way to do it. Any suggestion?

As for my A-Jog-A-Day programme...it's not really running as smoothly as I would like it to...yet. But trust me, I will work on it.

Oh, another thing, I have also been faithfully downing homegrown wheatgrass every night. It is intensely vile stuff, but it is intensely beneficial for health. I have been drinking it nightly for a while now, but even after all these time, I still find it as vile as ever.

Now, one last note before I call it a night...I loooooooooove my mum!!! Even if I were to end up disgustingly stinky rich one day, I will still insist that being my mum's daughter is the best thing that happened to me in this lifetime! ; )

Project Redemption

It's official - I've embarked on a healthy lifestyle campaign.

I've been reading up on plenty of health-related articles online and I'm freaked out by the m-a-n-y ways our health can go wrong as a result of seemingly harmless enough habits.

For the past 7 years, I've been working my ass off to get better at what I do at work, as well as to meet all the merciless deadlines. Going without a second's shut-eye for over 30 hours at a stretch was common. Going without food for more than 24 hours (due to stress and lack of energy to get food while stuck in the office over weekends) was common. Add to that the vices of my personal lifestyle over the years, I am really more than a teeny bit worried about what all that had done to my health.

My fave aunt's recent cancer relapse did not help too.

Thus, I have resolved to change my lifestyle and dietary habits from now on.

I used to turn up my nose when some friends talked about healthy living. In those foolish days, healthy living seemed like a completely good waste of life (yes, I was that foolish). I had believed that I was much too young to be concerned with healthy living.

It also never really crossed my mind that I was doing my liver, kidney, bone marrow, and who knows what else, a whole lot of injustice and harm whenever I worked through one stressful night after another. I thought burning the midnight oil to get a job done well was simply a matter of discipline and a mind over body issue. And I thought indulging in long nights out everytime I had a chance to was a good way to relieve stress and to reward myself for hard days' work. Gawd, I can't believe how I could have been so foolish.

So anyway, it's high time to make up to my health for all the wrongs I had done it in the past. I'm very particular about my dietary habits now and I am going to cut out or at least cut down on all the unhealthy (but sadly, delectable) stuff that I used to enjoy, such as fermented bean curd, potato chips, soft drinks etc. I'm not saying that I will deny myself those food for the rest of my life, but I am just going to make sure that they are consumed in moderation, and only occasionally.

I am also making it a point to be asleep by 12am at the latest every night, preferably even earlier.

And I've started my A-Jog-A-Day programme! I felt so good after going on that first 2.4km run of my programme! The run was not only good for health, but it also lifted my mood considerably! As I was cooling down after the run, I took deep gulps of the fresh morning air and also took in my surrounding - the bright early morning sun, the merry chirping of the birds...it was such a lovely experience.

These pictures of a sweaty and stinky me marked the completion of the first run of my A-Jog-A-Day programme:

By the way, I just heard on the news that the latest studies had proven once and for all that cancer is caused by prolonged period of unhealthy lifestyle and habits, and not due to sudden traumas etc. Fresh fruits, veggies and brans are also indeed excellent for fending off cancers. On the other hand, red meat, dairy products and food high in fat content should be taken in moderation.

Apart from the first bits about "prolonged period of unhealthy lifestyle and habits VS sudden traumas", the rest all sound like common sense, I know. But speaking from personal experience, it seems like we all sometimes choose to ignore common sense.

Here's another interesting result the studied yield: Taller people are more prone to cancers.

That would be the second reason to be pleased about my height, then. The first reason is that my height is good for hanging out the laundry, as it is much harder for me to fall over the parapet.

Alright, I am calling it a night now...my bed is beckoning.

生日快乐 Part II

庆生过后，在房间里拍的闷骚照。。。

生日快乐

生日当天接到了一个让我心情跌倒谷底的消息，原本很想取消当晚的庆生约会，但是最后还是没那么做。一来，是因为Sixsome一早就已经特地安排好把那个星期五留给我，所以临时取消会很扫兴。二来，我认为或许我们Sixsome到外头吃吃喝喝，聊些有的没的，可以暂时扫走心中的那堆愁云惨雾。

果然，在一片无厘头的玩玩闹闹中，加上酒精的麻醉力，心情的确好很多。。。甚至会有好几十分钟的时间完全忘记了有烦恼。








我的生日愿望一定会成真，明年的生日也一定会收到我最想收到的礼物！

很不快乐的生日

妈妈刚刚告诉我，医生说，即使靠打针，阿姨也只有大概5个月的时间。

而如果因为C-型肝炎的关系不能接受打针，那就得放弃治疗，只能服用止痛药。

现在，我们最后一线希望就完完全全寄托在曾在25年前从鬼门关把我阿姨拉回来的草药，“老鼠芋”。

虽然说是还有最后一线希望，而奇迹也的确有可能出现 (就像25年前一样)，但是，该准备的还是得准备的。。。比如说，需要阿姨大概整理并交代好一些事情。

我知道如果我姐姐听见大家谈论这件事，一定会很生气也不能够谅解这样的做法。但是，我姐姐从来就不是理性派。

这个时候，其实大家都需要多一点的理性，才能够给予阿姨真正最大的精神上和实际上的帮助和支持。

阿姨需要的不是我们的脆弱或眼泪。我们越冷静，越坚强，越理智，对阿姨就越好。

至少，在阿姨面前需要那样。

离开了阿姨的视线和听觉范围，哭得多大声都可以。

但是，哭完后还是得让自己冷静，这样才能保持清晰的脑袋来好好的想想该怎么照顾阿姨，怎么开解她。

阿姨现在需要从我们身上得到斗下去的信心和力量。我们又怎么可以显得比阿姨还沮丧呢？


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今年过农历新年时大家明明都好好的。

为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么会这样？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

我不要这样。

我从小就对阿姨说以后她老了我会养她。。。她现在还不够老！


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明年生日最想收到的礼物，就是阿姨已经彻彻底底地战胜了病魔的医生报告，并且过着非常健康快乐的日子。还有，自己和所有的家人和好朋友们也一样的平安，健康，快乐。



人生这么无常，我还能相信什么？

The Number Game

After a hiatus of 6 years, in just 4 days, I'll be another year older on a Friday once more.

The last time my birthday fell on a Friday, I had turned 21.

This time round, I will be just 3 years short of the big 3-0.

Shudder.

I feel like someone had knocked me out cold the night after I blew out my candles 6 years ago, and suddenly, I am now waking up to an older-but-not-necessarily-wiser me.

Wouldn't it be rather nice if life comes with a RESET button and each one of us were born with the right to press the button at least once at any point in our life after the age of, say, 25? When we would probably have accumulated enough silly mistakes and are wise enough to realise (and regret) it?

It would be even better if we can decide on which age and period in our life to return to for that fresh start - I most certainly have no wish to experience PSLE, O'Levels and all the assorted tests and examinations in Poly all over again.

More importantly, we must be able to retain our current "insights" even after our lives are reset, thus ensuring that we do not go down the same old road and repeat the same old "mistakes".

If I could choose, I would return to Year 2000...that would give me 10 long years to get everything in my life on track before I turn 30 (backed by the "insights" I accumulated by now), instead of the 3 years that now remain.

Ooooh...that would be sooooooo wonderful!!! ; )

P.S. I can still remember most of the details of my 21st birthday vividly...from the preparations leading up to the day, to having to purchase a few 寿桃 from Hang Kang Teochew Restaurant on the day itself for a photoshoot for WORK, to staying late in the office while a whole bunch of friends and my sister waited patiently for me for at least 2 hours at the cafe, to a surprise cake and "Happy Birthday" rendition from my then-bosses and then-colleagues...etc etc etc... I can also remember how I celebrated my 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 25th and 26th birthdays...and now, here I am...nearly staring at my 27th in the face.

P.P.S. I am not complaining about turning a year older. I am damn g-r-a-t-e-f-u-l for that...it means I am healthy and well. I am not concerned about growing older (read: ageing); I am more concerned about not growing wiser and more...enlightened..

P.P.P.S. Ok ok yea I confess I do worry occasionally about turning all wrinkly later on in life and other equally vile stuff...but...believe me, I do fret more about other bigger, more important issues of life - such as whether I can afford Botox when the time comes.

P.P.P.P.S. Just kidding. Seriously.