生日快乐 Part II

庆生过后，在房间里拍的闷骚照。。。

生日快乐

生日当天接到了一个让我心情跌倒谷底的消息，原本很想取消当晚的庆生约会，但是最后还是没那么做。一来，是因为Sixsome一早就已经特地安排好把那个星期五留给我，所以临时取消会很扫兴。二来，我认为或许我们Sixsome到外头吃吃喝喝，聊些有的没的，可以暂时扫走心中的那堆愁云惨雾。

果然，在一片无厘头的玩玩闹闹中，加上酒精的麻醉力，心情的确好很多。。。甚至会有好几十分钟的时间完全忘记了有烦恼。








我的生日愿望一定会成真，明年的生日也一定会收到我最想收到的礼物！

很不快乐的生日

妈妈刚刚告诉我，医生说，即使靠打针，阿姨也只有大概5个月的时间。

而如果因为C-型肝炎的关系不能接受打针，那就得放弃治疗，只能服用止痛药。

现在，我们最后一线希望就完完全全寄托在曾在25年前从鬼门关把我阿姨拉回来的草药，“老鼠芋”。

虽然说是还有最后一线希望，而奇迹也的确有可能出现 (就像25年前一样)，但是，该准备的还是得准备的。。。比如说，需要阿姨大概整理并交代好一些事情。

我知道如果我姐姐听见大家谈论这件事，一定会很生气也不能够谅解这样的做法。但是，我姐姐从来就不是理性派。

这个时候，其实大家都需要多一点的理性，才能够给予阿姨真正最大的精神上和实际上的帮助和支持。

阿姨需要的不是我们的脆弱或眼泪。我们越冷静，越坚强，越理智，对阿姨就越好。

至少，在阿姨面前需要那样。

离开了阿姨的视线和听觉范围，哭得多大声都可以。

但是，哭完后还是得让自己冷静，这样才能保持清晰的脑袋来好好的想想该怎么照顾阿姨，怎么开解她。

阿姨现在需要从我们身上得到斗下去的信心和力量。我们又怎么可以显得比阿姨还沮丧呢？


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今年过农历新年时大家明明都好好的。

为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么会这样？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

我不要这样。

我从小就对阿姨说以后她老了我会养她。。。她现在还不够老！


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明年生日最想收到的礼物，就是阿姨已经彻彻底底地战胜了病魔的医生报告，并且过着非常健康快乐的日子。还有，自己和所有的家人和好朋友们也一样的平安，健康，快乐。



人生这么无常，我还能相信什么？

The Number Game

After a hiatus of 6 years, in just 4 days, I'll be another year older on a Friday once more.

The last time my birthday fell on a Friday, I had turned 21.

This time round, I will be just 3 years short of the big 3-0.

Shudder.

I feel like someone had knocked me out cold the night after I blew out my candles 6 years ago, and suddenly, I am now waking up to an older-but-not-necessarily-wiser me.

Wouldn't it be rather nice if life comes with a RESET button and each one of us were born with the right to press the button at least once at any point in our life after the age of, say, 25? When we would probably have accumulated enough silly mistakes and are wise enough to realise (and regret) it?

It would be even better if we can decide on which age and period in our life to return to for that fresh start - I most certainly have no wish to experience PSLE, O'Levels and all the assorted tests and examinations in Poly all over again.

More importantly, we must be able to retain our current "insights" even after our lives are reset, thus ensuring that we do not go down the same old road and repeat the same old "mistakes".

If I could choose, I would return to Year 2000...that would give me 10 long years to get everything in my life on track before I turn 30 (backed by the "insights" I accumulated by now), instead of the 3 years that now remain.

Ooooh...that would be sooooooo wonderful!!! ; )

P.S. I can still remember most of the details of my 21st birthday vividly...from the preparations leading up to the day, to having to purchase a few 寿桃 from Hang Kang Teochew Restaurant on the day itself for a photoshoot for WORK, to staying late in the office while a whole bunch of friends and my sister waited patiently for me for at least 2 hours at the cafe, to a surprise cake and "Happy Birthday" rendition from my then-bosses and then-colleagues...etc etc etc... I can also remember how I celebrated my 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 25th and 26th birthdays...and now, here I am...nearly staring at my 27th in the face.

P.P.S. I am not complaining about turning a year older. I am damn g-r-a-t-e-f-u-l for that...it means I am healthy and well. I am not concerned about growing older (read: ageing); I am more concerned about not growing wiser and more...enlightened..

P.P.P.S. Ok ok yea I confess I do worry occasionally about turning all wrinkly later on in life and other equally vile stuff...but...believe me, I do fret more about other bigger, more important issues of life - such as whether I can afford Botox when the time comes.

P.P.P.P.S. Just kidding. Seriously.

Project Spring-Cleaning (of the room, the soul and my life)

My whimsical boudoir is in desperate need of a solid mess-and-dirt elimination session.

But though the mind is willing, the flesh is w-e-a-k.

I can't quite seem to muster up enough energy to go through the whole dust-wiping, stuff-straightening, fan-cleaning, sweeping and mopping routine.

It just seems so daunting - although I know if I can just get down to it, it will not be that monumental a task; it's only a room, after all.

This afternoon, I had already tackled some of the more major tasks...
I had laundered my sheets and the curtains and hung them up to dry. And just before this posting, I had thrown out some magazines that
no longer have any value to me (read: no articles or fashion/hairstyle/
make-up pictures that can serve as future reference).

Now, at this precise moment, I am wondering if I should head off to
a nice shower and jump into my sheet-less bed to catch some sleep,
or continue to restore my room to its usual near-pristine state so that
I can wake up to a renewed zest for life.

And yes, you read it right - I just equated a clean and neat room with my zest for life. I really do not know how I can go about making this make sense, but one way to explain it is that a refreshed room often means a refreshed state of mind for me. When my room is in a mess and I allow it to stay that way, from experience, it will mean I'll allow other aspects of my life to slip too. And once I can make myself go through the whole process of straightening my room, my spirit will feel brand new all of a sudden, and I'll want to get to work straightening
my life as well.

It's not a theory...it's just the way it is with me.

Oki, that's it for now.

I gotta get back to deciding if I should go to bed or continue to clean up my room and mind.

致：线人一号

感谢你提供了非常有利的情报。有机会一定请你吃Fresh Fishie Fishie Sashimi!

还有一件事。。。我记得我对你的称呼一直都是
“妹妹”(不是“Ah Pui”)。。。对你姐则是
“Ah Dear"。

而你们俩也一直都称呼我“小姐姐”。。。

习惯是很难改的，而这个称呼其实也超超超亲切和
“有味道”，因为它代表着童年的岁月和回忆。。。
但问题是，如果如今我们通电话或是终于碰头时，
你们还高呼我“小姐姐”，会不会。。。怪怪的？

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。。。

其实还蛮想试试看，毕竟已经 好-多-年 没听过了，
可以重温旧梦！

我们很快就会重逢，ok! 要给我一点时间好好保养保养一下，做多几次masks, 还有再设计一个够劲够年轻的造型，那当我和你们这些青春无敌的家伙走在街上时，才不会一直觉得 我-的-青-春-小-鸟-一-去-不-回-来！

Fishie, Fishie, are you reading this?

Hi Fishie,

I'll certainly send your regards to 五姨!

There's only one teeny problem, though...I'll need to know the name you go by in the real world. And I guess it's pretty safe to say it's certainly not Fishie... ; )

Without a doubt, you must be someone who has a pretty good knowledge of my basic family tree...like a relative or an ex-neighbour. But who exactly are you? I've some ideas, but I like to know for sure. Do, do, do enlighten me! Thank you!


XOXO,
Dawn


P.S. I did try to get an answer by visiting your two blogs. But one was a group blog and the other directed me to Yahoo's homepage instead...

求佛祖保佑。。。

最近越来越感觉到人生的无常和无奈。

一位看着我长大(也一直疼着我长大)的阿姨前些日子被诊断出患上癌症。至于是什么癌症，到目前为止还有待进一步检查。

阿姨在大约25年前曾得过一次淋巴癌，而当时痊愈以后健康也一直相当好，从来就没什么大问题。。。直到现在。

雪上加霜的是，阿姨最近也有很严重的胃酸问题。。。发作时，能把胃给“烧”得从内痛到外，连洗澡时从莲蓬头打下来的水打在胃部附近的皮肤时也会痛不欲生。晚上即使睡着了，也会每隔两，三个小时就痛醒。

因为胃酸过多的问题，阿姨连正常进食都不行。只能每个小时都塞一小片面包或饼干以垫一垫胃。即使现在情况有稍微好转，吃饭时，也顶多能吃四五口饭。而能吃的食物种类也不多，因为她的胃实在太不太能消化东西也太脆弱了。。。就连很普通的葡萄糖也会引起胃酸过度分泌。

也因为这样，阿姨的身子变得很虚弱，精神也很差。

身体已经够难受的了，脑子里还会不由自主地一直担心病情和即将得去面对的漫长康复之路。。。真 的 很 令 人 心 疼。

在医生还没透露有把握是癌症时，胃酸问题也没把她折腾的那么辛苦时，阿姨还能相当坚强。她也告诉我们她一直都是一个很坚强的人，所以不用担心她。我从来没有质疑过她的坚强，但是，当一个人必须得去面对一条那么难走的路时，脆弱绝对是正常的。

阿姨其实也一直为了另一件事心烦。。。她很不愿意看见她身边的人因为她的事而伤心，烦恼。尤其是我另外一位和她同住了差不多二十年的阿姨。因为两个人一直同住在一起那么多年的关系，所以感情也很自然的比和其他兄弟姐妹来的深厚。这段期间，这位阿姨也非常用心地照顾着生病了的阿姨，也非常心疼她。看这她们俩彼此心疼和担心对方。。。更难受。

这几个星期以来，妈妈，姐姐和其他阿姨们也都一直轮流到医院和阿姨家里陪伴和照顾她。至于我，则暂时被下令不准靠近阿姨的范围，只能和她通电话，因为我的鼻子不听话，一直打喷嚏和流鼻涕，有如一台流动细菌机器。一旦鼻子恢复正常，我也会加入陪伴和照顾阿姨的行列。

现在，也真的只能每天早晚两次很诚恳地请求佛祖保佑阿姨能够遇上一位医术非常高明又有责任感的好医生，给于她非常及时和正确的诊断和非常及时和正确的治疗。还有保佑阿姨胃酸的问题能够得到很好的控制，至少让她在接受治疗的过程中能够健壮一些，不至于那么辛苦。还有还有，保佑阿姨能够更坚强，更乐观，更积极地和病魔抗战到底。。。打一场非常漂亮的胜仗！

祝阿姨从此以后能够一直健健康康， 平平安安，快快乐乐地好好生活！！！

求佛祖保佑！！！

In loving memory of Monster Tan : : 24 September 1994 to 3 October 2007

Today's the day Monster the Cocker leaves her long-time owner/companion, Lyonne, for the inevitable journey to Doggie Heaven.

However, her intelligence, graceful demeanour, beauty, and most of all, her obvious adoration of Lyonne, will stay with me forever.

I will also always remember the joy and relief she brought us whenever she's on Dog Therapy Duty at the office...where she patiently tolerated countless requests from us silly (and stressed out) humans to perform "Paw Paw", "Roll Over", "Spin" and such.

While I am writing all these, I guess Monster is likely to be flying
first-class on the doggie plane to Doggie Heaven. In fact, she's probably sipping sparkling mineral water from a crystal bowl right now, served up by a suave Jack Russell air steward.

I will miss you so much, Monster...

Even though I was aware that you were probably already pushing the limit of the typical life expectancy all these while, I did not really think that you would be gone so soon.

Wherever you may be now, I hope you will realise just how wonderful a doggie you had been...and how much love and joy you had helped to spread around.

We all love you, Monster~~~!!!

HDB Flats = Swanky Apartments?

With the advent of sleeker exterior structures and well-planned interior layouts, and a growing numbers of young families which appreciate design in general as well as the services of interior designers, HDB living has managed to shook off quite a bit of its poorer-cousin-of-private-housing image for a number of years now.

In fact, today, it is entirely possible to fashion a perfectly chic apartment out of a typical HDB flat, be it old or new, so long as one has a generous-enough renovation budget and a good sense of style - or the assistance of a brilliant interior designer and contractor.

And it is all going to get even better in a few years' time.

At the National Day Rally this year, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong had unveiled plans to transform new, middle-aged and old HDB estates into more vibrant homes for Singaporeans.

After reading a report on one of the projects in this "Remaking Our Heartland" endeavour in last Saturday's papers, it seems to me that "vibrant homes" is an understatement..."swanky apartments" is probably a more fitting description.

In about 3 to 4 years' time, work is going to commence on "Dawson Estate", which will be located in Queenstown, one of Singapore's more matured housing estates.

Three top home-grown architect firms were commissioned to to conceptualise three separate precincts for this new estate; an unprecedented move in the history of HDB.

The results? Flats done condo-style and very nearly every bit as sophisticated and sleek as their richer cousins, from the facades to the interior structures.

Some of the flats designed by SCDA Architects, one of the three firms involved in the Dawson Estate project, will feature tall ceilings with space for lofts - and gorgeous floor-to-ceiling windows, of course (see "artist's impression" below).

It is really pretty exhilarating to imagine that one day, many years down the down, whenever "HDB flats" are mentioned, our minds would automatically visualise an image like the ones above, instead of the "typical HDB flats" that most of us grew up in. (That doesn't mean I am not grateful and appreciative of the public housing that we get to enjoy all these years throughout our nation-building history - it has been great all these time, it's just that I am thrilled it is going to be even better than great in time to come.)

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised at all if the government decided to come up with a snazzier replacement name for "HDB" to go with this new era in public housing for Singapore.

I can't wait to see all these changes taking shape. The only downer is, as it will be a few years before work will even commence on the first of these new flats, and many more years following that before they become a regular part of the Singapore lifestyle instead of a novelty,
I will practically be an ancient old lady by then.